drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize