ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize