OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize