we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
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Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
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Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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