then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
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I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
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You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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