I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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