i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
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I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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