I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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