I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize