I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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