dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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