I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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