You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
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Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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