and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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