her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
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i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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