Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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