Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize