sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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