she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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