You can't motorboat a personality
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize