Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
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I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
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I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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