Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
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Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
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The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Who died my cat blue again?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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