I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
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so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
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I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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