I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
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He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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