I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
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It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
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Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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