im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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