I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
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He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
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You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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