Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize