life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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