I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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