Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
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Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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