he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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