: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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