Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
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A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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