They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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