That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
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Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
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I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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