i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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