i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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