I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize