I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
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I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
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Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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