oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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