I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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