I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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