I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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