this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize