I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
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I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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