i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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