I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
two words...techno handjob
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize