the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize