i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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