was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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